my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
