I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
