Have you finally orgasmed yet?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
