Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Please don't give away my fajitas
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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