I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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