She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
