Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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