but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
