mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
