matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
