hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
