Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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