You made me cry and you don't even care
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
