Someone shit on the floor
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
