Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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