he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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