I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
