im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
