Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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