they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He kissed a someone with a penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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