physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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