She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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