Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
