Nicole vs. Life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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