masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
