Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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