it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
