Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
