Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
