literally had 100 drinks last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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