uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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