Cold hands, warm shart.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
