I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
