idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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