he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
