I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
