Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
