hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize