my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
