We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
