Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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