scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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