Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
