I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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