I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
