Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
