Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
