More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need a beard to bite.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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