he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
