when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
