There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
