I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
pray to the hookup gods
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
