Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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