So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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