I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
