quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
