her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
