they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
