Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
