Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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