she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it penis luge time yet?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
