return my video game
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
