I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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